Monday, July 30, 2007

"Rishtey - you are into"

Rishtey:


Rishtey, Relation, and in my own Marathi we call it “ Nata”. What exactly this word is all about? Has any one completely understood them? What does it mean to you? Who can have relations? Do we need to have relation with people/things all the time? Not having relation is also a kind of relation right? Wow…. Barrage of questions… do you have answer to them?.. ok let me start putting my views about these…

There are two types of relations from my point of view. One is blood relations and other one is acquired one. Let me start with the blood relations. We take birth and first thing or person we look for is “mom”. I remember one very cute and relevant scene from movie Dr.Doolittle starring Edy Murphy. Baby alligator comes out of egg and starts calling every animal in front of it mommy. One animal(I don’t exactly rememeber which one was it) says “Hey I am not your mommy”..Dog next to him says “ don’t look at me”.. It was very nice and emotional scene. Anyways, what relation do we have with our mother?
Books are written over this special relation. For me I think, Mom’s place is the safest place one can ever imagine on earth. There is guarantee that she will never ever allow her child to get hurt. I know irrespective of their age, everyone would always love to be there all the time. We still have unfortunate exceptions to this. Then there is father. He affects your life in different way altogether. For every kid his father is like a hero who can take care of every situation. Collectively mother and father as parents affect the life in different manner as well.

Now how this relation with mom and pop get affected severely with time. I am sure that every young guy in his early 20’s thinks that his father’s gone crazy. Every girl in her 20’s thinks that mom asks too many questions and keep giving suggestions which are not required. I read very one very interesting thought as one of the Subhashitha (versa) in Sanskrit Subhashithmalas( poems). Roughly it was something like this. Up to 4 years of age, parents should treat kid with all the care in the world. Parents should make his/her every wish come true. From 4 to 10 years of age, he should be beaten/slapped if he makes a mistake. From 10 to 15 he should be explained and taught about the mistakes. After 15 onwards parents should become friends. What a beautiful thought but how many parents follow it? Are we forgetting our own teachings? Anyways, we saw relation with our parents changing with our age. One can also say that their own age matters to it as well. My question is are will it be same for us? Are we set up to go through the same things that our parents are going through? What will our children think about us? Alright then there is one other blood relation ;siblings. Brother and sisters. Well I would not like to talk much about these.I have decided to keep the lenght limited so these guys will have to wait.

Ok Now I move to other type of relations Acquired ones. What the hell are these? From my point of view, this is how it works. Besides blood relations, we attain some relations along the way. We sometimes unintentionally or intentionally spend time with people. We exchange our thoughts. We discuss our views. We exhibit our mind-set. We share things. With some, you think that the other person is jerk and you cannot get along with him/her at all. With some, you don’t have to think anything; you just spend more time with them as you like the company of other person. Then after some time you pass one stage of being acquaintances to attain more meaningful relation called friendship. With your best friends, have you realized any time that how you guys have become very good friends ? Amazing isn’t it? With these “best friends” you can share anything. You tell them everything. You trust him completely. You help each other out without any condition. One day I was talking to my budd who I am friends with since school days. He cracked a joke on something which needed a reference of a thing happened with us 10 years ago and I picked it immediately. He never had to explain. It was very good feeling. Then about these best friends you always talk you summarize your rapport with words like wavelength, frequency etc. I would like to go into physics a little bit. I call it resonance. When objects with same natural frequency come together, one starts vibrating other joins it, this is called resonance. You must have experienced this with your friend million times. Sometimes things get on peak like sachin’s form in 1998, you say same things at the same time. Then we think how the hell in the world you also said the same thing? To other’s envy, you always seem to be talking nicely with each other. Some guys try to make your relations murky. Initially you also fell into the trap but the strong bond brings you back. For me friedship stands tall above every relation. Like said before parents also should play part of friends upto an extent after the 15 years of age.

Ahan one other interesting point I came across is this. We often see men childhood friends who keep their friendship till the end of their life. We sometimes call them “langotiya yar”. They remain friends forever. Why cant we see women childhood friends that often? Forget often, I wonder if anyone has seen such women friends at all. Now please don’t raise ridiculous point about the attire the friendship named after.. My dear friends, please put your light on it especially girls. Just reminder, I am not raising any stupid male/female issues. I am just putting a things I came across with supported by the observations. I don’t have problem if I will be proved wrong here.

Now, Do we need to have some relation with people all the time? I think even if we like it or not we do have a relation with everyone. It may not be good but we have it. I have seen people sit together whole day share office, room, apartment, etc but they hardly have any relation. They hardly talk with each other. Sometimes they never fight nor they like each other. You may say that well then there is no relation. I call it neutral relation. For me, it is the dullest type of relation.


Then there is one interesting type of relation which has become very famous now a days\, E-relation or online relations. Everyone now a days seem to have atleast one friend who they just chat with or exchange social network messages (orkut scrapping). They exchange everything again but there is no necessity seeing each other or meeting each other. You sometimes share almost everything. You sometimes have nothing to lose as you guys don’t have any common friends or something but sometimes you lose everything. It can be dangerous. Here what I mean to say is this. It can also become meaningful and good relation. I personally have few very good online friends. They are not only good to talk to but sometimes they also have come up with very good suggestions when needed. To summarize this one I would say every coin has two sides so be careful.


Well, I like to analyze situations and give suggestions if asked. In past, people have always felt comfortable in discussing their problems about their relations with me. I think it was because of trust. I have some bizarre truths with me but they will never come out because breaking trust is the last thing I can ever do to a person. This doesn’t mean that you should start sending me emails about it right now.. so chill… You might be saying “ Ya ya whatever…enough . move ahead now”.

Then people have unusual and extraordinary relations with non human things. Some may love their age old traditional house; some may love their vintage watch, car, sports instruments, pets and what not. About pets I won’t be able to talk much as I never enjoyed them much. My friends have so they might be able to comment on their relations. Anyways things, I have very special relation with some things. The cricket bats I have and had would be right at the top for me. I never ever liked anyone else to touch them. I was and I am very possessive about them. Currently I have three of them though I am not playing much of cricket. I like grooming them. Then I have my Ferrari set. I am crazy about it. Their scarlet red color has done some voodoo on me. I have collected their accessories, their uniform and…………………………………………………………………………………………..
the car itself…

You must be thinking what? He has Ferrari? The guy is talking anything now. It is Sunday night…. He needs to sleep… but my answer is yes I do have a Ferrari. I have Ferrari’s 248 F1 Formula one car used by Michael Schumacher himself in 2006. Recently my caption on orkut and gtalk has raised lot of eye brows and I received lot of questions about it. For those who haven’t noticed it , it is something like this “ She is beautiful. My dream:18 come true”.. Intelligent people must have gotten what I am trying to say.. for others I am writing the next line.. I have 1:18 scale model of Ferrari and hence Dream : 18 come true. I know those who read the previous line must be thinking. They have pushed me down from Mount Everest with my little beauty…

The point I am making is I have some strong connection with Ferrari and all the collectibles I have. I take that car, examine it, clean it everyday and then I think if I were born in Marinello, Italy( home of Ferrari).

Do u have any connection like I have with Ferrari? I would love to know that.

And then I think of one greatest thing man has ever developed. I just cannot live with out it. We have some extraordinary relationship. I am thankful to it for giving me opportunity to earn my living at the moment.


(PS – I know lot of folks would be saying I missed out one type of relation i.e. love. I ignored it because of two reasons. First it is hackneyed and hindi movies have already given enough “gyan”(knowledge) about it. Second, it is infinite chasm in which if you fall, you can hardly return and hence making the discussion endless. Lot of people must be wondering with the blogs name. Oowach is sanksrit word. Intelligent people figure out the meaning.. others find answer in next one...lol)

Sorry for the Grammar mistakes and other small things.

5 comments:

ViRUS said...

It is nice to read one's views on a good subject, specially if that one happens to be your friend. What is more nice here is the fact that as always, your views happen to be controversial & trying to explore the span of an ocean. But then that is what i like about them!

Unknown said...

Well said my frnd .... u did tried to categorize and compartmentalize "Relations" in da best possible way u can... But can we really do that.....Are they so simple to be understood with such classification.

Every relation is such a complex culmination of emotions that differs from individual to individual and it hits like a brick at a specific moment in time. And i m sure der wouldn’t be any second opinion on this, rite. Relation I believe is made of lots of entities , some of them I would be ranting abt in my coming paragraphs. My limited intellectual may bound me from fully exploring the meaning of this word but wat the heck , I will still give it a try.. LOL…

When we talk abt relation i would like to bring one important entity into the picture, TIME. Haven’t u come across so many instances where relationship have broken due to lack of time for each other and in the same breath haven’t you experienced a beautiful relation ( which I don’t want to name here... cud be anything) just wid an interaction wid a stranger for few minutes... I am sure everyone has experienced dis once in der life. Its like ur mind ur soul , involuntarily (even though ur impious) prays for a one more chance to meet tht person again.

Time really plays a integral part in building/breaking/ restoring relationships. If two people spends time together for long enough they start to look the same or says the old saying . But it does hold true in some respect. Atleast if not w.r.t to looks but atleast with your habits. Long Distance relationship they say don’t normally last due to lack of time spend together. Time spent wid ur "wud be" ( in an arranged marriage ) can and does goes a long way to in building a bond/ or help u understand tht he/she is not the one for u …. But in today's fast paced world.. seldom does one go for this .. may also be the reason for increasing number of failed marriage. This brings in another entity called the communication. Communication wid the person ( be it our parents , frnds, best frnd, girlfriend, wife or even ur boss) on the rite time makes a lot of difference in building a good relationship. Corporate’s now a days spend so much of man-hours and insane amount of money on making their employees communicate better wid their client, but seldom does neone of us use tht communication skill in our personal relations. Seen so many corporate trainers on effective communication skills walking through the divorce path.

"Hello dad/mom , how are u .. howzs ur health . Take care " Ten common words used in day to day language communicated on the rite time goes such a long way. Doesn’t even take 15secs to say tht. Today's generation ( i don’t want to distinguish between girls n boys here... both are equally guilty) will say i love u , I care for u to their beautiful colleagues in office , to their gf's/ bf's, to their email frnd and will do tht almost a million times in a days , but seldom do we take some time out to say that to our parents, don’t we. Don’t we care about our folks from the baby boomer's generation nemore. And surprisingly their was a survey in Times of India, saying almost 84% of Indians love to past their time wid their families.


Time I said is very important part in a relation but wen i ponder on my statement earlier, I realize is how much time is really required to build and make tht relationship last. I may be little less intellectually mature to fathom the complexity of the ans to dis question. But then again its better left to our own experiences to teach us tht. Der is this a example I wud like to give , i met a person in my school during 7th Std. After that i hardly spoke to tht person in my school. But later i met tht person again thru orkut ( thank god for orkut, it helped me connect to so many of my lost frnds, and hell with some political parties who critizes them ). Now i have started to talk to that person initially thru chatting and later on fon. And i realized wat a wonderful human being that person is . It is such a gr8 fun to talk to that person and dis I cud realize only after talking ( read communicating) to tht person for sometime( time which we cant quantify) , sometimes I think I wish I cud had done tht earlier during school days, wat a waste of so many years (time). Now it was only an example to show you, how some time spend wid ur dad, mom, girlfriend, friend, wife, fiancée blah blah can reveal to you a totally different human being tht may help u stop making assumptions about tht person.

I think I veered this topic to a different direction, but hopefully dis wud lead to much wider discussion on a serious topic.

P.S: Apologies for the slang used and grammatical mistake. And I hve jst written dis as wen the tght kept coming in my head (while I was in office , tht explains the corporate training example…lol) so hopefully you wont mind the flow. Will try to improve next time arnd.

Yogz.. said...

Thanks bhishmaraj for wonderful and thoughtful comment.

What I think about your comment is following:

Categories I put here are just a starting point. We can go ahead and really go into the depth of exploring them further.

Time.. yes.. I have been through all kinds funny things here. The relations which were broken by just because we didnt have time to give to each other were quite fragile ones and hence i probably dont even remember them. I dint meet my one of friends for years atleast 5. but like yours thanks to orkut.. I found him.. n we started talkin with eachother like it was gap of 5 days.. We were buddies and we are buddies... the relation is pretty strong here.

One other thing, I think time affects relations in a cetain ways.. if you dont keep adding some things to over the time it becomes stale.. n then you disregard eachother.. this happens with every relationship.

About parents, sadly they give us the most and suffer the most!! one way or the other it happens. For me the major reason behind is generation gap between baby boomers and gen next people. The economical changes were too drastic for them to handle.

Again thanks for your contribution

Mahendran said...

the blog was too long...i was too lazy to read it.

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